|You can tell by my face that this isn't a joke.|
Sports reporters love to give praise. We all know John Madden would sell his house for two pairs of Brett Favre’s Wranglers, which he could then re-stitch into one leg's worth for himself. But with Favre’s dick now in the picture, the NFL’s only national treasures are the infallible New England Patriots. Is this because of Tom Brady’s pseudo-underdog story meets Michelangelic looks? Or Bill Belichick’s cool look of I--take-risks-that-always-seem-to-pay-off-because-I'm-a-genius-and-there’s-no-other-possible-explanation? Or just because the Patriots came up during the season of September 11th, 2001 and were called the Patriots and anyone who didn’t love the Patriots was an asshole and a terrorist? I mean, jesus, come on, just look at the logo for Superbowl XXXVI:
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Michael Lombardi rode Bill’s Bellidick in his column about how much he loves the Patriots and how they’re the best in the world at turning degenerates into team players. Last I checked, they’ve pulled that off a whopping two times, with Randy Moss and Corey Dillon. And Moss was playing for the fucking Oakland Raiders. Of course Randy Moss can shape up when Tom Brady and a team with Superbowl-caliber (BUT NOT SUPERBOWL WINNING, HAHAHA) talent uses him for what he actually has. Then again, what happened to Randy Moss last year? Where’s that Bionic Man now?
|What's that? The sound of a career screeching to a halt?|
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|Who knows how long Chad can hang on for this ride?|
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The final piece of the Patriots’ pie is some breaking news from earlier today. New England released a slew of veterans, including Alge Crumpler and Nick Kaczur on offense, and Ty Warren, Tully Banta-Cain, Marcus Stroud on defense. The loss of such wisdom and leadership, especially Ty Warren, is going to put an extra burden on Haynesworth. Perhaps the righteous Prince Albert will accept this responsibility and mentor New England’s young guns. Or, perhaps it’ll be enough for him and Ocho to just shut up, keep cool, and work for their money.